Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
