Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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