im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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