How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
