no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
