shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
