Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize