id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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