party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
