wanna go halves on a baby?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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