Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
