I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
