this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
should my penis look like a turkey
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
