I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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