I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
