So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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