her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
