He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Let's paint friendship bongs
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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