I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize