I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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