I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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