Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
