Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you will always have a special place in my vag
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
