I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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