My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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