She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
