I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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