I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
