i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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