yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
