so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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