Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
