The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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