I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
