Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
