I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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