what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize