I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
