it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
