Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
