somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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