i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
