chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
