forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize