At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My liver just had a heart attack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
