Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
