Can i not drive my cunt home
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
