i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize