They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
