I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
