please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My vagina just recognized that song.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
