I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they're like a gay fantastic four
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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