So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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