I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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