I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
