I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
