I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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