I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize