I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
