you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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