I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
