Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
