He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
