Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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