so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
