i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
