do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
