I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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