hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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