she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
