got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
worst night to have a conscience
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize