Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
