I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
