just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
