When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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