good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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