hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
