captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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