well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My balls are so social today.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize