What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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