she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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