I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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