singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
