i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
