He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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