today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you had me at cake vodka
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
