my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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