you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
