Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
