You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
