No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
