guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize