where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
