Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
